I LOVE KELLY CLARKSON!

As most friends know I am a big advocate of waxing, sugar waxing in particular. This all started about a year ago when I went to go visit my friend in New Jersey. I meant to get waxed before I left but I didn't have time. It just so happened that she needed to go as well so we made it a double date.


I find it comforting when the esthetician has a very heavy accent or doesn't sound like she speaks English because then when they are telling their co-workers what I hairy beast I am, I am none the wiser. So I headed back to the Room of Doom and told her I wanted a half leg and bikini. She nodded and whipped out some ball of weirdness. Sugar wax can be applied either like traditional wax with a Popsicle stick and strips or as a paste, which is more like a ball-o-wax that spreads onto your skin and then is ripped off. So she starts waxing and I'm trying to keep my mind occupied with other thoughts other than the impending pain I'm going to feel. Youch! Eek! I love Kelly Clarkson! Next thing I know she is telling me to turn on my side so she can do my butt. What? Did she say my butt? I thought that with my bad hearing and her heavy accent that I must of misunderstood but I played along and over on my side I went. When she was done I flipped back over and realized she took it ALL! How the hell did that happen?

My friend comes to join me afterward in the lobby of the salon where she asked how I liked the sugar wax. I was beginning to think this sugar wax was code word for a Brazilian. I told her what happened and we were both laughing ... "On your side, I do your butt."

One would think after this experience I would never go back but I have and I love it! The wax, not the act of waxing. Waxing still hurts like a mother but I've noticed that my skin isn't irritated and it doesn't hurt as much as compared to other waxes.

Unfortunately I haven't found an esthetician whose second language was English but I did find one awesome lady that I feel totally at ease with. We even joke and laugh together about my manly legs. Here's my shout out to Cindee Grigson at Bella Vita Medical Spa & Salon!

Blowing The Big Butt Bugle

I've been going to Pilates for months and I really love this class. When I first started I was in the back of the class struggling with the most basic moves such as The Hundred or Swimming. Now I'm in the front of the class and I can successfully do a Roll Over with a Jack Knife. Our instructor has even started including a Pilates Ring and light weights into our work outs to challenge us. I love it.

There are always some new people coming into class and most struggle the way I did. I give them credit for keeping with it. I'll even let the occasional barking spider slide. As I've said before, I've been going to Pilates for months and I can count on my hands the number of times I've heard someone pass wind and I couldn't even tell you who did it ... up until yesterday.

Flatulence man has attended this class 3 times already and I've listened to his Hmmmming and Haaaing as he struggles through the moves. I often want to roll over to him and tell him his form sucks and that is probably why he is having a difficult time but instead I tune his noises out. So as we are doing a Double Leg Stretch I hear a Pffffft come out of his direction. I ignore it. Then I hear another ... rrreeeeeep. This is quite ridiculous. Two in a matter of minutes? Then I smell the faint odor. Oh for crying out loud. Really?! I might be able to handle a little ass thunder but not a stinky one. Yack!

I just hope this incidence has either scared him into returning to Pilates or has forced him to put a cork in it.

I'm BORED! Or Am I?

A thought occurred to me yesterday afternoon as I was being a good wife and washing the husband's car.

For the past few weeks I've been struggling with a lot of free time on my hands and not much to do. This week I not only cleaned Chad's car, I did mine, cleaned the house, touched up paint, ironed a mound of clothing, and even cleaned the baseboards. I've also been reading quite a lot since there isn't much on television at night. I finished two books just last week and this week I am simultaneously reading Twilight and the fourth book in the Sookie Stackhouse Series (True Blood) for the second time.

I chalked it up to not having a lot of work but apparently I was wrong. Compared to last year I am doing almost the same amount of work so what is different? And then it "donged" on me. Wedding planning! I've somehow learned to multi-task a lot in the last year and I've become more efficient. Whoops.

Milking the Honeymoon Experience

This past weekend we went on a vacation to Chicago which turned out to be more of an adventure as we suit-cased it through the Windy City.

We planned to stay in the heart of Chicago at The Palmer House. When we tried to check in they notified us that our reservation had been canceled due to non-payment. We had booked with 1800Hotels.com which apparently took our money, canceled our reservation and filed for bankruptcy earlier that day. To make matters even worse, The Palmer House was totally booked for the next two nights and so were most of the hotels in the area. We were homeless.

I only knew one person who lived in Chicago so I called in a favor. We were suppose to have dinner with them while we were there but that turned into dinner and a night on their couch. THANKS AMBER, KENNY & MISS MOLLY!

We were able to find a hotel to stay at the next night. We checked in early at Hotel 71, grabbed some lunch, walked around a little, took a nap and then we were off to my first baseball game at Wrigley Field. The Cubs were playing the Phillies and they totally kicked their butt. My hubby is a Phillies fan so it was a sad to watch this ass whooping, especially from the great seats we had.

The next day we trekked back to the Palmer House, checked in, and then were off to "Eat More Monuments." We did all the normal touristy things ... Field Museum, Navy Pier, Millennium Park, the Skydeck at Willis Tower, the Shedd Aquarium, and of course Gino's Deep Dish Pizza!

It was celebrity central this past week in Chicago as well. We bumped (unfortunately not literally) into Bill Rancic outside his apartment. We were with feet of him and all I could do was stand there in utter shock and hit Chad in the arm. They were also filming Transformers 3 directly across the street from our first hotel (Hotel 71). I was determined to find another famous person, and get a picture this time, but all I found was their trashed cars.

We ended our trip on a good note though ... since it was our "honeymoon", the Palmer House surprised us with Champagne, strawberries and chocolate on our last night there. Now that's what I'm talking about!

Farmer's Tan

Old McErica had a driveway,
EE-I-EE-I-O,
And on that driveway there was some dirt,
EE-I-EE-I-O
A pressure wash here, a pressure wash there, here a wash, there a wash, everywhere a wash, wash,
Old McErica got a tan,
EE-I-EE-I-BURN!

The Adventures of Slick Ric

Up until the wedding I practically lived at LA Fitness. I'm the kind of girl who keeps to myself. I get in, do what I have to do, and get out. I don't wear make-up but I do wear dry fit and I almost always have my hair up in a pony tail.

I was going five to six times a week and I often saw a lot of the same people working out there. Since I didn't know them I gave them nicknames. My first regular is "Ass Cheeky." Ass Cheeky is the girl who would come into cycle class and set up her bike almost in front of mine even though I was in the first row. Normally this wouldn't bother me but her attire did after we got to working out. Her cheerleading shorts were constantly riding up her bum and therefore she was constantly picking her wedge. Eeew. After weeks of this, she showed up in Capri pants and she was "Ass Cheeky No More."

There are some other characters who seem to either bug me or make me laugh at my LA Fitness. "Spike" is always at the gym. My husband and I see her there all the time on the stair stepper or doing lunges. She is bad ass and so is her spiked hair. She is the only die hards I see in there with full make-up and hair done and for extra good measure she wears sunglasses, but not at night, just in the gym.

Super-Barbie is a lovely older woman, with big fake boobs, who attends the Pilates class. I haven't figured out why she does what she does but, there must be a reason for her method. She lays down her mat, sits down, and then safety pins a hand towel around her neck like a cape. I'm not sure if she plans to save the world or she is just cold and a cardigan is too uncomfortable. Either way, she always makes me smile.

Last, but not least, is the Owl. There are not many people that I despise at the gym but she is one of them. She goes to a lot of the same classes I go to and I find her etiquette quite annoying. She busts into the class before the previous one is totally done for starters and sets up her little area. Be careful if you are near her because she has no respect for personal space. I call her the Owl because of the sounds that come out of her mouth during the classes. I'm all about whoo-hooing and whatnot but she brings the hooting to a new level. Beginning of the class, hoot, start of a song, hoot, middle of a song, hoot, end of a song, hoot, etc. You might get a "wow" in there sometimes but more than not, it's a dang WHOO-HOO! It doesn't matter if she is on the other side of the room either. Her hooting is loud enough to be heard over the blaring music and the barking instructions of the teacher. I wonder if I could call animal control to remove her?

My husband thinks I am too critical on these people and thinks karma is going to bite me one day, my Mom doesn't want to go to the gym because of "people like me", and everyone else thinks it is funny. If you really think about it I'm a regular and they probably think the same thing about me. I'm the gal with the hard, hair sprayed hair and my sister, well, she calls me "Slick". Oh, Touche.