29 FOREVER!

 I don't know why they call it a pregnancy glow. It's more like the pimple rebellion. I have never had so much acne in my entire life. Seriously, an atomic bomb would not put a dent in what is going on on my face.

I "heard" it was suppose to clear up in my 2nd trimester. Well, 3 weeks in and no such luck. It actually got worse. Well, it decided to move, and by move, I mean it started to not become so oblivious on my face and more obvious on my neckline and behind my ears. Who gets a pimple on the back of their ear?! This girl does. It's ridiculous. I would cry but somehow I didn't get the emotional rush of hormones with this pregnancy. I've got a cold heart of stone.

So after this new phase of acne emerged I ventured out to the dermatologist. Maybe they had a spare face I could borrow until the end of this pregnancy. I struck out again! They can't prescribe me anything, and almost everything they told me to do to clear it up I was already doing.

To make matters just a wee worse, the doctor asked "How old are you?" I replied, "29 FOREVER!" Okay, so I really didn't but, I totally was thinking that as I said 30. "Oh, well, welcome to the new age bracket. We need to start using anti aging products now." We? Was there someone else hiding in the room? Who was she talking to? I'm 29 FOREVER! Apparently I will be 29 forever with wrinkles and zits though. What a bad combo. Like, really, really, really bad. Does that even happen? Knowing my luck I'll be the one documented case when I'm 40. Caption will read "She thought she would be 29 forever."

 So I bought my first anti aging product. Being not wrinkly is expensive.

An Ode To My Birthday

Blonde Ambition

I was born a blonde. Okay, I don't think I had much hair, if any at all, but when it did grow in it was blonde.

When I was about 13 or 14 my blonde hair started getting darker and becoming more of a dirty blonde color. This was also around the time I started to highlight my hair. I kept blonde until I was about 18 or so. By this point I was over being blonde and I bought a box of dark brown hair dye.

I liked it a lot. It had a deep red in it which then lead me to dying my hair red. I loved my red hair. Love, love, loved it. I met my husband when I had red hair. After we got to know each other a little better he told he didn't care for it too much. I have to admit it was a little weird when my color would fade and we would having matching hair color.

So back to blonde I went but this time around and for the next couple of years I noticed my roots were getting crazy dark. In an attempt to not look like a strung out crack whore I dyed it brown again.

I've been all shades of brown for many years now and I honestly couldn't have told you what my natural color was until now. I haven't dyed my hair in almost two years and I just cut the last remaining bit of color off. My hair grows super slow by the way.

I've enjoyed not having to spend an arm and a leg to have my hair colored and I learned to like my natural color .... brown with a few stranglers of white. Uh huh, yup, that's right. The one time I stop dying my hair after all these years and this is what I discover.

I actually discovered it last year while we were in Savannah but my husband convinced me that it was a super platinum blonde strand. I only believed him because I actually do have blonde strands but I still plucked it just be safe. I am too young to be getting whites! But alas, the old wives tale is true. More have popped up all over the place! I have now verified the true authenticity of the new ones with others. It is white.

I'm not even 30 yet (I'm 29 years and 355 days old). Now what am I suppose to yell at our hypothetical children when they drive me nuts? The cat is out of the bag. "This wrinkle is from you!" Nevermind, I'll take the white. I'll be a 30-something, baby faced, Florence Henderson.
 

Channeling Mrs. Brady