Stop Touching Me!

Last week the Mister and I traveled across the country to Seattle for an Alaskan cruise to celebrate our one year wedding anniversary. Our trip started in Orlando with a small layover in Houston and then a Four Hour Flight (sung to the tune of Gilligan's Island) to Seattle.

We are experienced travelers. We know what to wear, bring, how to pack it, and how to stow it. Most importantly, we know proper air-traveler etiquette. For those whom are inexperienced, please take note as this will further assist you in having an enjoyable experience in your future air travels, especially if you are traveling with me.

• You cannot check your bags more than 4 hours prior to your flight so, please don't stand in line in hopes they will take your bag and then proceed to act all put out when they won't take it. That doesn't work.
• 3-1-1 Rule: 3 ounces, 1 quart size bag, 1 bag per traveler for carry on bags. No, the wine bottle is over 3.4 oz and therefore cannot be carried on.
• When your flight starts boarding, there is no need to stand and crowd near the gate when they haven't called your seat or area yet. This isn't Noah's Ark. Ya'll are getting a seat. 
• Stow small carry on items underneath your seat. 
• The overhead bins are for larger items that cannot be stowed under your seat such as suitcases, not jackets. When stowing your suitcase in the overhead bin, try to remember Ray Finkle from Ace Ventura; Laces Out! This means your wheels on your luggage are to face out. Why? It doesn't fit the other way since the bins slope inwards and secondly, your bag isn't special. Other bags need to get in there too.
• Hear that ringing? Yeah, it's your phone. If you don't, get a hearing aid.
• When getting in and out of your seat, please be aware of the seat back you're grabbing for leverage. Often times the seat likes to strike back like Star Wars when you're tray table is down. It is the weirdest thing.
• Most importantly, whether you are in your seat or in a line, please be mindful of your "personal space". This includes but is not limited to your arms, hands, legs, feet, and head. your body. Use the Chicken Dance as a guideline. If you can flap your wings and hit someone, you are too close. Adults might give you the stank eye, a vengeful sigh or children like me might tell their flight attendants that you need to Stop Touching Me!