What Have I Done?

I'm all about DIY home projects, and I've been lucky that I haven't had that many mishaps ... until now. And, oh boy, was this a costly mishap.

Last February we replaced our carpets with bamboo wood flooring. I absolutely love this floor. It is so easy to clean. I just dust mop it, and clean it with Bona Hardwood Floor Cleaner. What I have learned over the last 19 months after we had it installed is that A) my cats drool, and B) it shows. Our home has a lot of natural lighting so I notice it. It could also be because I'm totally OCD, so I'm cleaning the floors like every day. It was getting old.

My solution to this problem was to put a top coat of something on it. I really should of done a little bit more research before I did what I did. I was in Lowe's and came across Bona Hardwood Floor Polish. Yes! This is exactly what I wanted! I was looking for a polish, not a wax. I thought it was similar to a wipe on product such as Pledge that comes back off it you clean it.

I followed the instructions to a T. I did a small test area which came out perfect. I then prepped the hallway and big room, and got to work. I ended up putting two coats down over a two day period. The result ... I was devastated. I majorly effed up. Even though I cleaned the floors to remove all the cat hair, etc. there was cat hair embedded in a few spots, some areas were hazy, and in the hallway one monster cat decided to walk on it while it was wet so I had paw marks.  Lovely.

Thinking it was like a polish I tried to wipe it off. And wipe, and wipe, and scrub, and scrub, and scrub. After about 15 minutes I had about a 3x3 area done, like 9 square feet. I had 402 square feet left to go.

Top with Polish, Bottom without Polish

I showed the bottle to Chad, and handed him a knife to stab me to death. Surprisingly enough he didn't want to kill me. He felt I was doing a good enough job of beating myself up about it. That's why I love this man. Then he tells me my problem is that the bottle, although it says "Polish" is actually a urethane, also known as  a WAX! I'm really shocked he didn't want to kill me now.

I did the only thing I could do. I drowned myself in chocolate, and called a pro. Two days, three bottles of "polish" remover, and a whopping $500 later our floor is back to what it use to look like.

Lesson learned. Everyone's luck runs out eventually, and polish is not always a freaking polish. That was an expensive lesson. 

Hold Please!

Actual conversation with my Husband over the phone:

Me: What's for dinner?

Him: Breakfast but I don't know how to cook the hash browns. Remember I burned the crap out of them last time and they tasted like $h1t?

Me: Like my burned hash browns were any better? I wonder if we can bake them? Go check the bag for cooking instructions.

Him: (Reads instructions. There are none for baking.)

Me: Okay, I'll call and ask my Mom. Oh, go check the clothes in the dryer and see if they are still wet.

Him: I just sat down, and I'm all comfy in this blanket.

Me: Seriously?

Him: (Makes a comfortable, I'm like a pig in a blanket sound.)

Me: Oh come on! I get lawn service so you don't have to be a slave to our lawn but I barely get any more help cleaning inside the house. Go check the laundry.

Him: Hey, I do stuff around here. I take out the trash --

Me: That takes like two seconds.

Him: Hold please! Doobie doobie do, do do do do do, doobie doobie do, do do do do do, doobie --

Me: You can't pull the Hold Please and sing the hold music. I invented that game.

Him: Oh, hi! Thanks for holding. So you on your way home?

Me: Yes, but --

Him: Okay, I will see you when you get home. And don't forget to call your Mom and ask about the hash browns.

Me: Hey wait! I wasn't done complaining!

Him: Okaybyeseeyousoonloveyoubye! Click

I can't believe he used my own tactic against me.

Going Once, Going Twice, SOLD!

The other month the Hubbers and I traveled South to visit my parental units. It ended up being a very expensive trip.

We arrived on a Friday afternoon, early enough for Ma and Pa to take us to their favorite Friday Night Hot-Spot. Their newest thing to do is auction hunting. It isn't like the stuff you see on television though. It is more like an estate sale but either way they have a ton of fun going to these things.

The Auction

So we perused the items being auctioned and settled then in to watch the games. We all were guessing at what amount some items would end up selling for, such as the leather turtle ottoman. That baby sold for $300. Don't ask, I don't know either.

In addition to the turtle they sold vases, a baker's rack, a dining room table, a hutch, some dishes and a bunch of other chotchkies. There wasn't anything that I wanted so after about an hour I was ready to hit the road. Just as we were getting ready to leave I heard the auctioneer say the next item to be auctioned was this vintage chest. I put the breaks on since I really wanted to find out how much this piece would sell for.

And the bidding starts at $100. Do I hear $100?

Ma to Me: You like that?
Me: Yeah, it's neat, although I don't need it.
Ma: But you like it, right?
Me: Yeah.
Ma to Auctioneer: $100!
Another Bidder: $150!
Me to Ma: Don't go over $200.
Bidder: $200!
Auctioneer: Do I hear $250?
----Silence----
Auctioneer: Do I hear $225?
Ma: $225!
Auctioner: Going once, twice, sold!
Me to Ma: Now what?
Ma: Well, you take your credit card over there and you pay for it.

And that is how I became the proud owner of a 1950's John Stuart Mahogany Chest, courtesy of my Mother.

So what is the moral of this story? Don't go auctions with my mother. She likes spending other people's money and boy is she good at it.

Ma's 1st Auction Win: $7

Erica's 1st Auction Win, Courtesy of Ma: $225

iCrap

My iPhone. We have a love-hate relationship. Lately it's been a lot of hating even though it is the only cell phone I've owned in 10 years that still works at the end of my contract. Well, sort of works.

I've had the huge, annoying beeping Nextels, some other phones I can't remember, the Blackberries where the roller balls stop working about 6 months in, and then the iPhone. I usually upgrade every year which is usually when my phone is all beat to hell anyway but dear ol' Ingrid (iPhone) is still hanging in there two years later.

I've had to resort to downgrading the firmware because just dialing a phone number was similar to using 1990's style dial up internet service.

(Hit 4) Wait, wait, wait ... 4
(Hit 0) Wait, wait, wait ... 0

I'm impatient and Ingrid was about to get chucked out the window if she didn't get her act together. But then I heard a rumor of a new iPhone coming out this Fall. The 5! Oh boy! I own the 3g. No, not the 3gs, just the old freaking dinosaur 3g. I actually got it in a month before the 3gs came out. Well, I know better this time although I am hoping I can really hang in there until the new model comes out.

In order to do this I did the all time bad thing as far as Apple is concerned. I jail broke it. Now that was a feat in itself. I'm no techy by any sorts but after 8 hours of trying, reinstalling, and restoring ... I did it. Holy sheet! Thank you YouTube! Now if I could only figure out this Cydia business. Arg.

The Georgia Sense of Direction

Last weekend the Hubs and I went to spend some time with my parents in Georgia. They own a vacation home near the Blue Ridge Mountains. It was just what we needed. Four days of lounging around in our pajamas, watching movies, and getting lost ... a lot.

Getting lost wasn't our plan but Georgia has some pretty bad signage. Even the airport was horrendous. You would think that the large international airport in Atlanta would have the best directions and signage for all the different kinds of travelers but no, they don't. We walked the wrong way to the main terminal (maybe our mistake), had to look at the directory to find the car rental area which didn't help because we couldn't figure out where we were on the directory, walked passed the car rental agency, and spent about an hour trying to figure out how to get back to the airport arrivals to pick up my parents. We didn't bring our GPS so we used our iPhone maps application. It couldn't figure out where we were. It was an adventure to say the least.


On Saturday, the guys and I went on a hiking adventure. Of course we got lost again. The first time we missed the exit off the highway and after that it was at the ol' fork in the road which really wasn't a fork; it was a backwards fork. After finding the correct fork in the road and about about half way up the hill to the hiking trail we here BING. Car is low on gas. Fabulous. As we are chuckling away and joking about being stranded in the middle of the Georgia mountains with no gas or cell service we hit a patch of ice and the little rental yelps out another BING. This day is getting better by the minute.


We finally made it to the Bear Creek trail and started hiking. This is a fairly easy trial so it was more like walking at a slight incline. Easy-peasy. Crossing the little streams? Not so easy. I was trying so hard not to slip off the rocks that I ended up putting my foot in the water 3 times. Thank goodness I was wearing Dryfit socks. They dried out before we reached out 1.5 mile marker ... the Gennett Poplar.


The Gennett Poplar is the 2nd largest tree in the state. I forgot to mention, this is the whole reason we came-a-hiking. Getting lost, possibly stranded with no gas, and almost careening off the hill - all for a tree.

We came, we saw, we conquered. Another 1.5 miles back and we hit the road and headed on home. We got lost again. Gotta love Georgia.

I LOVE KELLY CLARKSON!

As most friends know I am a big advocate of waxing, sugar waxing in particular. This all started about a year ago when I went to go visit my friend in New Jersey. I meant to get waxed before I left but I didn't have time. It just so happened that she needed to go as well so we made it a double date.


I find it comforting when the esthetician has a very heavy accent or doesn't sound like she speaks English because then when they are telling their co-workers what I hairy beast I am, I am none the wiser. So I headed back to the Room of Doom and told her I wanted a half leg and bikini. She nodded and whipped out some ball of weirdness. Sugar wax can be applied either like traditional wax with a Popsicle stick and strips or as a paste, which is more like a ball-o-wax that spreads onto your skin and then is ripped off. So she starts waxing and I'm trying to keep my mind occupied with other thoughts other than the impending pain I'm going to feel. Youch! Eek! I love Kelly Clarkson! Next thing I know she is telling me to turn on my side so she can do my butt. What? Did she say my butt? I thought that with my bad hearing and her heavy accent that I must of misunderstood but I played along and over on my side I went. When she was done I flipped back over and realized she took it ALL! How the hell did that happen?

My friend comes to join me afterward in the lobby of the salon where she asked how I liked the sugar wax. I was beginning to think this sugar wax was code word for a Brazilian. I told her what happened and we were both laughing ... "On your side, I do your butt."

One would think after this experience I would never go back but I have and I love it! The wax, not the act of waxing. Waxing still hurts like a mother but I've noticed that my skin isn't irritated and it doesn't hurt as much as compared to other waxes.

Unfortunately I haven't found an esthetician whose second language was English but I did find one awesome lady that I feel totally at ease with. We even joke and laugh together about my manly legs. Here's my shout out to Cindee Grigson at Bella Vita Medical Spa & Salon!

Farmer's Tan

Old McErica had a driveway,
EE-I-EE-I-O,
And on that driveway there was some dirt,
EE-I-EE-I-O
A pressure wash here, a pressure wash there, here a wash, there a wash, everywhere a wash, wash,
Old McErica got a tan,
EE-I-EE-I-BURN!