Happy Mother's Day Mom

Dear Mom,

The first week of motherhood was unbearable. It wasn't at all what I had anticipated it to be like. I was sleep deprived, sore as hell, and flooded with emotions not of indescribable love, but feelings of inadequacy.

I can't thank you enough for being there to help me that first week. And the second week. And half of the third. Or coming to my rescue after my first week alone with her. You were more than just an extra set of hands. More than a cleaning lady or cook. You were the person I vented to, the shoulder I sobbed on, the expert I ran to. You still are. I couldn't have made it through these last five months without you, or the many, many more years to come.

I never thought I could love this way. My heart grows every day for this little girl. I finally understand what it is like to really love someone unconditionally. It made me think of our relationship, and what a little shit I've been.

I'm sorry for all the rotten things that I've said and done over the years, for all the times I never apologized, and for all the times I broke your heart.

I wish that it didn't take me so long to realize what an amazing Mother you are. I guess I just needed to become one myself to truly understand what it was like.

So on my first Mother's Day, I wanted wish you a Happy Mother's Day. I wouldn't be the Mother I am had it not been for you.

All my love,

Erica

Coming Soon To A House Near You

The hubs and I were invited to a Halloween party the other weekend. I was all ready to go as a Sumo Wrestler, but Chad, as usual, waited until the last minute possible to figure his costume out.

We were out running errands, and had planned to go to the Halloween store to find something for him since the party was that night. So we are in the car, both totally stumped for ideas. And then it rode by us.

Me: Is that a Jehovah's Witness?

Chad: Yeah.

Me: OMG! That's IT!

Chad: What?

Me: Your costume! It would totally work. And we don't have to buy anything but a short sleeve white shirt. You have black dress pants, black tie, sneakers, a bike helmet, and a backpack.

Chad: That's hilarious!

So we went off to Wally World, a.k.a. Wal-Mart, to get the white shirt. It was almost the Jehovah's Witness costume debacle of 2012 when he went to get dressed later on that evening though. Even though the shirt said "short sleeve" all over it, it was a long sleeve white dress shirt. Being that he already had a long sleeved dress shirt, he wore that with the sleeves folded up, and we returned the not-so-short sleeve-shirt to Wally World the next day.

But even with the sleeves being rolled up, people knew what he was. He often got asked if his bike was tied up outside. It was a total hit!

Sometimes the best ideas come riding by you when you least expect them.

Wanna Wrestle?

As if trying to find the perfect Halloween costume isn't hard enough, imagine trying to find one when you are pregnant.

Last year I had a creative stroke of genius when I decided what my costume would be. If ya'll don't remember, I was a blow up doll. It was a total hit too.

This year was a tad more difficult trying to find something that I could incorporate my ever growing bump with. I scoured the interwebs for ideas. Mostly I came up with some lame-o ideas that mostly included painting your bump. Eh, it's been done before. My original thought was to do a trailer park trash lady with a big beer gut, but my bump was becoming more round and less flabberiffic so I didn't think it would look right. Some other ideas I came across that were cute were the baby skeleton on the shirt, and the bun in the oven costume. Cute, but not Erica. And then I saw it.

I could totally do this. I already had the unitard from my blow up doll costume, so all I would have to do is the underoos, nipples and hair. I was sold. I had Chad pull down the unitard and tried it on. Thank you Joseph Shrivers for creating Spandex! It still fit!

The hardest part was trying to figure out how to make the sumo thong. I wanted it to be as authentic as possible so I called my Mom to help me with the logistics. We had planned to make one while she was up for the baby shower but with my sister's surprise visit, it became a non-priority. I started to worry how I was going to manage to make this thing by myself without it looking like a total mess. Then I had a lightbulb moment.

With Sisqo's Thong Song ringing in my head I ran to my nicker drawer, and fished out a pair of black thongs. Again, thank you Joseph Shrivers, because my thong still fit.

My costume was almost done. I ran off to the craft store and picked up some felt fabric for a whopping $0.37 to make my nipples. I debated on going to the Halloween store to pick up a Sumo wig but then remembered how itchy the blonde wig I wore last year was. My solution? I didn't wash my hair for three days. Or maybe it was four. Gross, I know. Either way, my lovely hair oils helped to slick up my hair to a very high pony tail thing without using a ton of gel and hairspray that would ultimately make my sumo hair into a sumo helmet.

Now, it was the moment of truth. Would my costume be as big of a hit as it was last year?

That would be a yes. And, apparently it was better. Now, I'm worried how I am going to even come close to something as creative next year.

Happy Halloween!

Oh yeah. I sure was.

My County 'Tis of Britain

I am proud to be an American and I will be celebrating our country's independence from Kingdom of Great Britain.

As our country evolved from thirteen colonies to fifty states so did our views, beliefs, cultures, and language. Americans invented the first flexible urethral catheter, a swivel chair, dental floss, safety pins, breast pumps, built the world's first plane, had the first people on the moon, and much more.

We are inventive and imaginative so you can rest easy on this all American holiday as you enjoy your corndogs, buffalo wings and smores and sing your all American songs such as Born in the U.S.A, America the Beautiful, Yankee Doodle and ...



Sound familiar?



This was actually national anthem until 1916. Hey, sometimes you need a little inspiration. Thanks for the tune Britain!

Wishing you all a Happy Indedpendence Day!

Belated Father's Day

Daddy and Me

You may have thought I didn't see,
Or that I hadn't heard,
Life lessons that you taught to me,
But I got every word. Perhaps you thought I missed it all,
And that we'd grow apart,
But Dad, I picked up everything,
It's written on my heart. Without you, Dad, I wouldn't be
The woman I am today;
You built a strong foundation
No one can take away. I've grown up with your values,
And I'm very glad I did;
So here's to you, dear father,
From your forever grateful kid. -Joanna Fuchs

New Years Resolutions

There is no better way to ring in the new year than compiling a list of things you plan to resolve in the coming year and in most cases failing or giving up within the first 30 days. Here are mine:

• I will try driving closer to the speed limit or learn to sweet talk my way out of speeding tickets.
  
• I will not tell the same story at every get together. By now everyone knows about the tartar sauce in the key lime pie.
  
• I will really start working out again... honestly. No joking. Really... I will.
• I will stop considering other people’s feelings when they so obviously don’t consider mine.
• I will save my husband's money by spending less cash by using credit cards instead - just kidding Chad!
  
• I will learn the actual words to songs instead of making up my own or replacing every unknown word with "hmm" and "something".
• I will start a project and finish it before starting a new one, and then another, and another.

Happy New Year!

Newlywed Christmas

May your holidays sparkle with moments of love and laughter.

Merry Christmas!

Love,
The Newlyweds

Gobble, Gobble!

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Halloweenie!

In the words of Cookie Monster, "Me not take the cookies, me eat the cookies." Nom, Nom, Nom.
Happy Halloween!