Hold Please!

Actual conversation with my Husband over the phone:

Me: What's for dinner?

Him: Breakfast but I don't know how to cook the hash browns. Remember I burned the crap out of them last time and they tasted like $h1t?

Me: Like my burned hash browns were any better? I wonder if we can bake them? Go check the bag for cooking instructions.

Him: (Reads instructions. There are none for baking.)

Me: Okay, I'll call and ask my Mom. Oh, go check the clothes in the dryer and see if they are still wet.

Him: I just sat down, and I'm all comfy in this blanket.

Me: Seriously?

Him: (Makes a comfortable, I'm like a pig in a blanket sound.)

Me: Oh come on! I get lawn service so you don't have to be a slave to our lawn but I barely get any more help cleaning inside the house. Go check the laundry.

Him: Hey, I do stuff around here. I take out the trash --

Me: That takes like two seconds.

Him: Hold please! Doobie doobie do, do do do do do, doobie doobie do, do do do do do, doobie --

Me: You can't pull the Hold Please and sing the hold music. I invented that game.

Him: Oh, hi! Thanks for holding. So you on your way home?

Me: Yes, but --

Him: Okay, I will see you when you get home. And don't forget to call your Mom and ask about the hash browns.

Me: Hey wait! I wasn't done complaining!

Him: Okaybyeseeyousoonloveyoubye! Click

I can't believe he used my own tactic against me.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find Out What It Means To Me

Best of 2011

As the end of this year approaches, and as a new year begins, I took a look back at all that happened in 2011. We worked as hard as we played, and it will go down in the books as one, really great year.

And now ... the Best of 2011, in iPhone-365 fashion.

Celebrated a milestone with My Father In Law as he turned 60.

Spent some quality time with Ma, Pa, and the Hubby in GA.

6 years worth of hopes, dreams and pinched pennies = new wood flooring.

And carpet.

Our annual ski trip with our awesome, amazing friends (Marky, Mike & Jen!)

I opened my own company! I'm CEO biatches!

Surprised both our Moms for Mother's Day.

Celebrated our first year of wedded bliss.

Took our anniversary trip to Alaska!

The most annoying cat ever turned 5.

My BFF has her first child, and I become Aunite Ebowski.

My little girl becomes a little ol' lady.

After months sleeping on the mattress on the floor, and using wine
boxes as night stands, we finally got new furniture.

My banana bread is a hit, and I actually sell some loaves.

A whirlwind trip to the NE for a wedding, and a bike ride from hell.

We learned how to coupon.

I won an antique dresser at an auction thanks to my Mom.

We helped make the world a little better.

I turned 30 ... and licked a Moosen.

Rang in my 30's by dressing up as a Blow Up Doll.

His backside looks as good as his front side, and he cooks.
I'm one lucky gal.

It's the gift that keeps on giving.

Looking forward to all that 2012 has to offer. Happy New Year!

Oh Shtick!

Imagine yourself driving in your car on a beautiful, sunny day ...

Then someone cuts you off and you question their driving skills ...

With no gesture of their apology, you show them your gratitude ...

And then send them off on their merry way ...

But not before reminding them what they truly are deep down inside ...

Drive safely, otherwise you might get Shticked.

This message is brought to you by Shticks, courtesy of my sister Kimbo.

King Richie

"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened."  Jennifer Yane

Happy Birthday Dad.

Love,

Your Kiddo

I Insist

I clearly don't know how to talk to Siri. 

I can understand how insist and incest sound very similar, but not insist and "anal slash". Oh Siri.

The 80's Called. They Want Their Hair Back.

Yes, I did the unthinkable. I permed my hair. But the more important question is how many hair stylists does it take to perm one's hair?

I had a body wave put in my hair about a year ago and I really loved it so I was ready to graduate to a real perm this time. Unfortunately I had to plead my case to my hair stylist and give her moral support. Seriously the girl thought she was going to make my hair fall out.

I know you must wonder why I would stay with a stylist who wouldn't do want I wanted. The first answer is that I am loyal to my peeps and secondly because she knows my hair. I have baby fine hair and a lot of stylists don't know how to deal with it so they pretend and then I end up with no so great looking hair.

Although Lissette has a ton of experience, knowledge and uses bomb diggity products, this didn't seem to give her the boost of confidence she needed. That probably is also due to the fact that she hasn't permed someone's hair since beauty school which was like eons ago.

See, last time when I got the body wave she, ever so slyly, pawned me off to another stylist. Well, this time around she wasn't as lucky. She started with the first row of curlers with help/instruction/moral support from another stylist in the salon. Just when I thought she was about to give up and throw in the towel, another stylist came in and saved the day by wrapping the rest of my hair in curlers. Yes, it took not one, not two, but three stylists to perm my hair.

Apparently perming is not something ladies, or gents (you never know), request that often since none of the three had done perms since beauty school. I'm just glad that it all worked out and I got me my Jheri Curl back.

So in conclusion, if you find that your hair stylists is a wee timid about perming, don't fret. They probably haven't done it since beauty school. And stylists, brush up on those skillz. The perm is making a come back, one head at a time or just one head, period.

The end result. (Just kidding)